About me!

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A Productive Week!

This weeks blog does not have any deep meaning or any analogy or metaphor for why the writing is not working.  No, this week I am continuing on the positive note from last week.  I spoke of the resurrection of a novel that I shelved a year ago and since then I have written an additional 5500 words towards it.  I am very happy with this and I am very happy with how its coming together.

I thought a lot with what went wrong with writing it before.  I was going great guns, lots of ideas, lots of twists and lots to add.  Unfortunately all the things I was researching were detracting from the story and I got myself bogged down in details. I am focusing solely on writing the story I want to tell.  I am developing the characters.  I have learned that by adding events, that although effect the storyline, but are not necessarily needed to be described in prose, is just extraneous, time-consuming and actually breaks the story up.  So instead of describing how an oil tanker is assaulted and researching the Suez canal and tanker security processes, (My thanks to the merchant seamen who provided a vast array of info), I have decided that it is enough just to put in a line or two explaining that the event happened.  It does not break the story up, it does not detract or distract the reader from the flow and pace of the piece. 

I am learning so much.  every day I discover new ways to write, new styles and perspectives.  I think, and it is in my own mind, I am finally back on track.  To write 5000+ words in a week is amazing and I am taking a short break just to write this entry and will get back to the WiP. 

But, I have not just been focused on the novel.  Oh no!  when I say I have been productive I really have.  I have written 2 short stories for competitions.  Stretching my style and also my genre.  The first was a story of lost love and the second a children’s story.  I have never been a mushy type of guy, sentimental, yes, mushy no.  so a love story was a bit of a divergence. I really enjoyed writing it and hopefully it will do well.

And yes i did say i wrote a childrens story.  I exploded the word count of 1500-1750 words and ended up with a piece that was 2250 words long.  I had, somehow, to cut 500 words.  I am actually gals i did because it forced me to edit the shit out of it.  As a result i think i have a much better piece of work that has a much higher tempo and flows better, without some of the extraneous wordiness. 

I vowed, when i started writing in earnest agin, to write a competition entry a week and so far, over the past 6 weeks, i have done so.  Even if some of those were just flash fiction, i have met my targets.  As a writer it is important to have targets.  It keeps you focused, it keeps you determined.  Deadlines are a writers friend.  There are necessary.  My advice of the day is to set targets but importantly meet them.

With that in mind i still have a daily target to meet so off i go. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

It feels like an eternity since I updated this blog, did you miss me? I am sure you did. I have certainly been busy in the abscence. Although the writing has taken a bit of a back seat. I have changed my job twice…details to follow, I have been frenetic with my twin boys, they do keep their mother and I on our toes. Let me update you all on whats been happening.

Firstly i left my job as a security guard at an unpopular medical centre and went to work for a large UK bookshop change that we all know. Brilliant i thought! Finally I job I love, finally a job I enjoy and get excited about, leaping from my bed rareing to go, champing at the bit to get in and get started. It did not matter that I dropped my salary by £7000 per annum in order to take the job. I went in devery day, poured my heart and my soul for four months, desingning and creating events above and beyond what was required of me. I, in my own time, wrote columms for local news papers reviewing the books that were deemed to be ‘Book of the month’. Being nice about writing that I found to be bloody awful. All to generate sales. Bookselling has become less about product knowledge and more about power, greed and influence. I shall quantify this. A monthly competition is held company wide to see which store can sell the most copies of the book of the month. It is not a bad idea to help motivate staff, but it became increasingly apparent that it wasn’t about providing the best book for the customer, just sell, sell, sell and by selling lots and lots of copies the company can wield power over the publishers. It was a mantra that this particular company felt it could sway and influence publishers to give them a better margin (cut of profits) as they could guarentee a bestseller. And it works!

I was very good at selling books, but i was, just after new year, let go. I was heartbroken, the reasoning given, to me did not make sense and due to the contract I had with them I had no choice but to accept my fate and walk away. I kept my head held high, I am proud of what I accomplished in my time there. Sad it ended, I feel I was used for christmas and dismissed immediately after. Hey ho, not to worry move on!

Thast is just what I did. I managed to find a job quickly, in fact I started the day I officialy finished my previous job. I shant go into details of my new job as that would not be appropriate on an open forum, it is not secret but is dealing with confidential information. What I will say is that it is a good job, with good prospects and good pay. At quiet times like now, I get to do things like this. Which means I also get to write!!! Happy, Happy, Happy!

My writing really has taken a back seat and as a result I have temporarily misplaced my talent. The ideas are still there, the concepts I am developing are good I have just lost the words. This has caused a great deal of frustration. So many good ideas and no way to convey them. I am going to try to get it down, perhaps edit some old work in order tro find my voice again.

Well, signing off now! I am still here, Iam still kicking, still fighting. I will be back soone to soffer some more of my usual comments, critiques and complaints

A new beginning

It has been a couple of weeks since my last post, it has been an eventful couple of weeks to say the least! A week ago I was feeling low, lower than usual and I felt more than slightly despondent about the future. I felt trapped in a job I didn’t enjoy. Although, I always performed my tasks as thoroughly as I would I job I love. On Monday I had an interview for a position at a place that I love. I really didn’t think I would get the job, and I didn’t! But they did offer me a better one, one with the promise of promotion, advancement, training! Unbelievable!! I handed in my notice straight away!

What a joyous feeling! To be able to say farewell, to a place I worked for the past 2ish years. Don’t get me wrong, although I dislike the job it had some great people, and I will miss them. But, that is not enough to keep me here. All it took was one phone call to offer me the position to change my whole outlook! Now, I am filled with hope, filled with happiness. No longer will I have to fight traffic for 2 hours a day, I can leave later, get home earlier, and start to live!

I suffer from depression, I am getting help, I decided against a medicated form of help and decided that what was needed was a form of counselling, they call it cognitive behavioural therapy. Recent events have bought in to sharp focus the problems with depression and suddenly everyone is understanding and sympathetic. It won’t last, but maybe it will ease the suffering of a few. As for me, well I feel positive about work, I feel positive about the future. And it is a good feeling. Long may it continue. That is all I have to say really, I am off on an adventure, I will continue to write, to read, to comment as the weeks roll on. But for now, I am going to sit in a little bubble of joy!

Violence begets violence – A geek view

Yesterday evening at 11pm British Summer Time, we saw the anniversary of the decleration of War between Britain and the German Empire. It was a troubled time, a time of great horror, and a time to try to wipe out the best and brightest of a generation…Lest We Forget! It is right to remember but it turns my thoughts to how they sacrificed their lives for peace and freedom, but was their sacrifice worthwhile, or has it just led to more and more problems?

I studied History at University, and I can trace a path from the outbreak of the First World War to today’s conflicts. Let me walk you through it, briefly! The First World War ends on 11/11/1918, the treaty of Versailles is discussed and Germany are forced under sanction to make reparations that cripple them, the Wall Street collapse in the late 20’s sees Germany head to economic ruin when USA call in debts. Hitler rises to power Second World War Starts September 1939 a a direct result of the terms of peace from 1918. The second world we rages on, it ends in August 1945. Afterwards, Britain, The USA and Russia, a victors, carve up the world! We create India and Pakistan, Israel and Palestine and head to conflict with the USSR. The Cold War stays cold for 40 years, but in that time we adopt the notion that the enemy of my enemy is my friend, we arm the likes of Iraq and install a Russian aggressor as dictator, Saddam Hussain, (see where I am going with this?) we train the Taliban as a guerrilla force against Russia in Afghanistan. Once the Cold War ends and we all become friends the abandoned fighters in these countries turn against us, war again!

Ok, that is an incredibly simplified history of the past 100 years, but the roots laid down in 1914 echo through to today. The wars we are engaged in result from that terrible conflict, it is in some respects the war to end all wars, because we are still fighting it.

Not so much geeky so far! So here it comes, in Terminator 2: Judgement Day, a teenage John Connor turns to his protector, T-800 (Arnie) and while watching children chase each other with toy guns says, ‘we are not going to make it’ the terminators response is, ‘it is within your nature to destroy yourselves’. Now I have been thinking about this a lot recently, don’t know why just reflective mood. I am a father now, and I had a discussion with my partner about water pistols, now I may have been a bit rash in stating I don’t want my boys playing with toy guns. My reasoning is that it encourages violent attitudes. And more importantly gives them a social acceptability towards weapons. I am British, in Britain guns are illegal. In America guns are legal, and have a massive criminal culture surrounding their use. But that is a discussion for another day. My point is, is that if we allow violence to be a social acceptable part of society then we will breed a society of angry, violent, introverted and frightened people. Ok, perhaps we have already, it feels that the lines have blurred and society is getting angrier. On my daily commute to work and back, a journey of around an hour, I, everyday see road rage, not from me, although I am not totally blameless. But, there will always be someone shouting at another, waving fists making obscene jestures!

Do what society watches on television and movies have an effect? Of course it does! Entertainment will show the worst of society on order to make a good drama, it has to, if it shows the middle of the road people it would be boring! Imagine Micheal Douglas in falling down, a man brought to breaking point and in the heat of his car stuck in gridlock breaks and rampages on a killing spree. Well imagine the middle of the road version, Man brought to the edge in the heat of his car, gets so angry, his knuckles turn white, he get home eventually, furious and angry sits down and drinks a beer, moans for a couple of hours and goes to bed! Same impact, would you watch it? No, course not! So we show extremes, and that is what becomes acceptable.

Now, take geeks? Genre fiction is always and often a lot worse! The violence a lot more extreme, yet there is not a culture of violence? This is worth investigating, I am going to leave you to ponder that, perhaps start a discussion, why are geeks subjected to but not affected by ultra-violence within their viewing, reading habits?

I sign off the same way, with an invitation for you to comment share and discuss! I look forward to what you might say!

I’M BACK!

I have taken a hiatus from all things internet. I have been absent from Facebook, Twitter and from this blog…But, now I return a I am eager to get things moving in the right direction once again! So, why was I silent for so long? Simply answered, life got inThe way! Every single person has a great deal of trials and tribulations in their daily lives, it is an accepted fact of life! But, not unlike a nuclear reactor, when you pile problem upon problem a person reaches a critical mass, then Meltdown!

My daily life over the past couple of months have been filled with worry, filled with threat and filled with uncertainty. Most of the issues I faced I have resolved, I refused to bow down before the pressures and I fought back. However, as a result of this mental fortitude I have had to neglect some duties. Chiefly my writing!

I am now going to re-assume my roles and write again, I am going to fulfil the promise I once showed, I am going to live up to expectation!

The Richard an Judy bestseller competition knocked my confidence, finding out that a plot line of an upcoming movie is almost identical to my novel destroyed what was left. I stopped writing, I lost the knack, I forgot the joy I have when I write. I spiralled, a court case against me took my focus further away, the worry and sleepless nights, constantly thinking about the case, what I would say, every permutation of question needing answers. It consumed me! It was a pointless, stupid case but a guilty verdict could have condemned me! However, I was in the right, I had done nothing wrong, and when the day came I was exonerated fully! The prosecution didn’t even let it go into the court room!

The relief was immense, I cannot quite explain the weight that was lifted, but I am a lighter person! So, back to the writing! I have several projects on the go, my R & J entry needs completing, a story starring my twin sons, an epic battle in a fantasy world and a script for a graphic novel. As well as the numerous short story competitions. Time to get back to it! Time to start over! This is what I would like to do as a career, this is how I want to support my family, this is how I want to earn a living!

I am a creator, I am an escapee into another world and different dimensions, I am an explorer in the lives of others and I will do this to the best of my ability! I AM A WRITER! Hear me roar!

Never give up!

Well, it has been a very tense week-end. Promises of announcement of the Search for a Bestseller Shortlist has made me a very nervous man. I am not alone, through Facebook and Twitter I have connected with several other aspiring novelists who all shared in the anxiety. The list, as I write this, has not yet been announced yet I am resigned to the fact that I have not made the cut. Which is fine, it is not necessarily a reflection on the quality of my work, rather a reflection on the tastes and subjective view of the judges who, after all, are looking for the most saleable, commercially viable work. Although, I feel that my work appeals to everyone, a bit of everything, I understand that the judges may not agree. They only had 12000 words and a synopsis on which to judge my work an I am the first to admit that it has a sleepy start. Hey Ho! Not to worry, I have learnt a lot about the industry and myself during the process.

What have I learnt? Well I have learnt that just because one panel of judges don’t like my work, or don’t think it’s suitable, does not mean it is not good enough. After all, they are targeting a very specific audience and my novel may not fit into that audience. My story may be a better fit with a different publisher. I have learnt a lot about myself, I have learnt that I am determined, despite a small set back I will continue, I will finish the work. It is a story worth telling, a story that interests those who have read it and a story I want to see completed, and who knows, it might do better in the future. I have learnt that I am doing well with disappointment. Even though it is not a confirmed rejection, yet, I am ok with it! I had said on previous posts that I am struggling with my creative mojo, today, with the pressure off, I feel calmer, my head is beginning to fire again. I am looking forward to a day of writing!

The biggest thing to come out of the weekend is the camaraderie that has been shown by the entrants. We have got together and started a Facebook group called ‘Writers United’. A place we can talk to like minded individuals with similar experiences. This has been amazing and is proving a popular place to sound off and support each other. It is not restricted to contestants to the competition, so if you are a writer, published, unpublished or just thinking about it, come and join us! The banter is good, the support fantastic.

So, I shall not give up! My approach is simply this, with and enthusiast hop I face the world and cheerfully say “What’s next!”

Targets!

I have been very lax in writing my major project of late. It has been put on the back burner so I could focus on short stories. This was a mistake, a huge mistake. I am struggling to get back into the swing of the story, struggling to get back the flow I had before I set it aside. So why did I set aside this major project? I got 28000 words and stalled, majorly stalled, I lost the rhythm the flow and the story! What I was writing was waffling, babbling garbage and detracted from the story rather than adding to it. So I thought if I focused on something else I could get my mojo back. I was wrong!

I have such a clear idea of how I want the story to progress, how the characters develop and I know what I want to happen at every step of the way, for some reason I cannot describe on paper fluently, what that is! My frustration runneth over! I have read and heard from other writers and they have given me advice like, “It doesn’t matter what you write, just write! It all can be edited later!” So I tried this and as I read what I had written I discarded everything. It was trash! Do I need a decent break? Probably! I write everyday, I work 12 hours a day, at weekends I spend time with my family, and I won’t give that time up for anything. So what do I do?

I have set targets. Achievable ones! I have said I will write 1500 words a day, regardless if it is good, bad or indifferent! But I lost the mojo on part one. As I had a good idea what I want part two to be like, read like, feel like I started on that. So far I have been pretty successful. I have reached my targets and developed the story further. The format is a bit different I just hope that once it is it printed it will work as I imagine it to.

My mind has really been elsewhere the past week. I have seen a lovely job advertised that I would love to do but I am torn as it is a pay cut, not great guaranteed hours and could, in all possibility, severely harm my finances. Normally I would dismiss it, stay in the job I hate because it keeps the money coming in. But, this is just so tempting and it would be a job I would bounce out of bed to go do!

In all honesty I think my head will overrule my heart and I will do the responsible thing. But it is nice to have that dream, even for a short time! I still have my targets and my writing, if I work hard enough maybe that will get me out of the hellhole I call an office. Don’t get me wrong, I write because I love to, I love the feeling of someone enjoying something that has come from my imagination and that is why I write, maybe one day it will pay the bills too!

Well back to the daily grind. Hopefully I will continue to meet targets and produce work I am happy with. This dry spell can’t last forever!

Works in progress

I think this weeks entry will be brief. I am focusing on works in progress. So much to do and I am led to distraction by things around me. As I have said in previous posts I feel I am a writer but at the moment it does not pay the bills and with two small mouths to fed I am required to work full time. My job is horrible! For the most part the people I work with are great, but there is one that makes my life a misery. I am not your normal security guard, (I will go on to why security in a bit), I have an undergraduate degree in History and a Masters by research (MReS) in Jewish History and Culture. I studied ancient languages, Hebrew, Aramaic,Demotic,Coptic and Syriac, and various variations thereof. Unfortunately, real world applications of this unique skill set mean that I struggle to find suitable employment. Security offers a high(ish) turnover without being too demanding on time. Although I am at work a lot it is easy to sit and write.

This is where my works in progress come in. I have put down my novel in favour of short stories, this is only temporary as the novel is playing on my mind and I must get back to it soon. However, I want some critique on my work. Entering short story competitions, I feel, is a good way to see how my writing is progressing. I have entries for the Writing Magazine and the Bridport Prize completed and I am going to fill my diary with closing dates for as many others I can.

Write down the closing date! I must do that so I don’t miss any, like I did last month. As some of you would have seen I posted a short story here last week. Which was great as I had one like and no comments at all! Many would see that as a negative, but not me! I think if people don’t say anything they like it, they are more likely to moan, badger and berate if it was bad. So taking a positive view. Anyway, I can hear my novel screaming at me, “please, please, finish me!” So that is what I must do, back to the grind!

Before I do go! It has been bought to my attention that it is National Storytelling Week in the UK. A fact that has gone remarkably unrecognised, so I leave you with this thought. We all tell stories, whether they are true accounts we tell our friends, whether we make up lies and a back story to reinforce the lie. Whatever story you tell this week, tell it well!

Missed opportunity: A short story conundrum

Each month I buy ‘Writing Magazine’. It is full of hints and tips regarding the trade in which I am trying to break into. They also run a few competitions. I was very excited by there recent ‘First Line’ short story competition and I read quickly the information, picked up the pen and wrote, then typed, then edited. Once that was done, took all of one morning, I re-read the entry to fill out the application form. There I saw my crucial mistake! I initially read the closing date as 14th February. It was not, it was January. My Bad, so I have a short story written specifically for a competition. I think it was a good effort and interesting story and looked forward to having it critically examined.

So, I have decided to potentially invite very negative feedback by posting the story here. I invite you all to examine and give feedback, whether that be good, bad or indifferent. I want to know your opinions all I ask is that you try to keep it polite! so, here it is, ladies and gentlemen I present for your consideration, ‘The Bride’:

The Bride

The view from the hotel was breath-taking. The sea sprawled out as far as the eye could see. Miles of golden sandy beaches stretched left and right, lapped constantly by the rising and waning tide. A man stood in the hotel window, dressed smartly in a suit. He stood gazing, soaking in the view he thought to himself that it was almost enough to make one believe in God, after all only an intelligent creator could design something so beautiful. He turned away from the beauty to once again view the nightmare.
The hotel room was just like any other. On one wall was a flat-screen television, below it a dressing table that had tea and coffee making facilities and hotel information. There was a corridor leading towards the door before it a wardrobe and the door to the en-suite bathroom. Sat in the corner were an armchair and an occasional table placed strategically to overlook the gorgeous view. In the corner was a suitcase upon a stand, it was open with clothes neatly folded inside. The room was dominated by a huge bed, larger than any normal bed, just another attraction of this expensive seaside resort. The man could not understand why hotels insisted on fine white linen, it only accentuated the blood. The once ivory sheets were soaked red with blood, the source was a woman. She lay atop the bed, the white of her wedding dress stained pink from the blood as it seeped into the silk. The man stood staring at the horror. The woman was pretty, very pretty, in a classical way. He could not quite place his finger on the source of her beauty, some people you can say ‘it’s the eyes’ or ‘the cheekbones’ or ‘it’s your smile that lights up the face’, but this was an all-round beauty, even lifeless and pale as she is now. The man’s trained eye quickly spotted the wedding ring on her finger, he noted that it was a little bit too worn, too tarnished to be new, clearly she was not a newlywed.
His gaze was broken by the flash and click of the camera. The room was sealed off by blue tape reading ‘POLICE-DO NOT CROSS’. The detective stood silent, examining every aspect of the room, mentally dictating every possible snippet of information. He noticed the mobile phone on the bedside shelf, he noticed the laptop open on the occasional table and he also noticed the knife on the bed that was used to gouge the deep furrows into her wrists. If this was suicide, and he had not decided whether it was or not yet, if it was she knew what she was doing, this was no cry for help.
“Constable?” The detective shouted.
A uniformed police officer promptly appeared at the door.
“Yes sir?”
“Do you have the information I requested from reception?”
The detective quashed the emotion rising inside of him; he strained trying not to let his voice crack. He had seen dead bodies, lots of them! He had seen murders, accidents and suicides but something about this one struck him to his core. Maybe it was one too many.
“Yes sir!” the constable replied, “It would appear she booked in late last night, about 9, she used a credit card and the receptionist and CCTV confirm that she was alone, and received no visitors.”
“Thank you Constable!”
The detective moved around. The photographer was busy taking pictures of everything, every conceivable angle, every object.
“Right, I think I have it all now Sir. Is there anything else you want me to photograph?”
“No that’s fine, thank you.” The detective replied.
He was now alone with the body. He gazed at the corpse, still struck by her beauty; he could see the tracks of her tears and the lifeless eyes full of pain. He wondered what could have been so bad, what could have been so painful to lead her here. He concluded from the preliminary evidence that this was no locked room mystery, there was no murder, yet he was compelled to discover what the reason for this tragedy was. It was time to delve into her life; it was time to discover why! After his preliminary scan he could see that although the screen of the laptop was black it was still switched on, it was just on standby. The detective’s gloved hand moved the mouse and slowly the screen blinked into life. He found a word processing page, the text in bold:
To whomever finds me
Tell my husband I’m sorry for the pain. I never meant him to find out, really I didn’t! He was never home. I know he was a soldier but he left me with nothing. I had no choice. No money. I was lonely. I did what I had to do. Do not think less of me.
The detective examined the note over and over again. What did it mean? What did her husband, the absent soldier, discover that was so horrific? The detective noticed a flashing icon at the bottom of the screen, an internet page. He clicked on it and the note disappeared, replaced by a social media page. It was one that people could message each other in 140 characters or less. The profile picture was that of a woman, naked! It was a toned body, attractive and busty, the face was blanked out. Clearly it was her page and she wanted an element of anonymity. It appears she was having an affair, but the detective thought that that was not enough to lead here, people have affairs all the time, it is heart-breaking for all involved but they get over it. He did when his wife had an affair. They worked through the pain, they forgave. No, there was more to this. The detective examined the profile, read the information posted, perhaps there was further clues. He looked at the profile information, nothing except a link to another website. He clicked on it. ‘Women by the Hour’ came up on the screen, below the header was a profile page for the deceased, a profile page offering various services of a sexual nature. A loophole in prostitution law allowed women to offer themselves for a price but it only became illegal if the money that changed hands was for sex, if it was just for her to spend time with them and she chose to sleep with the person hiring them, then that was her choice. If sex was consensual and not part of the agreement then the law could be circumvented. They could even advertise their time in the newspaper. So she was having an affair, and by the look of her she was probably having several, with anyone who had deep enough pockets.
The detective sighed, he stood deflated, he just did not understand what would lead an attractive woman like this one down a path of vice, even more bemused as she was married and to a soldier. He examined the note again. If she was lonely why not just have an affair, it would have filled the void, why sell her herself? He was not really a religious man, he did not believe in damnation or paradise, but he did believe that people had a soul. Even if that soul is what gave us a sense of right and wrong, he could not fathom what this sort of life did to someone’s mental state, it must have eaten her up inside. He looked at the body. There were still so many questions. His initial deduction that this was suicide suddenly became doubtful. It is true it looked convincing; it had all the hallmarks of a typical suicide. But it just did not add up, something was missing. The wedding dress, probably symbolic, maybe she wanted to show that her marriage was important to her? Was it a commission, was that the right term? Maybe it was someone’s fantasy or fetish. Only she would know why, and she was in no position to answer. The detective called for the constable,
“I am not so convinced that this is a suicide! We may be looking at homicide, please examine all CCTV footage, I want to know if any male was here last night that was not a guest at the hotel? I want to know, if there was, where they went, what room and what time!”
“Yes Sir!” the constable responded and left quickly.
There was still a missing piece of the puzzle. The detective picked up the mobile phone. It was a smartphone with a touchscreen, He pressed the power button, it was long shot he was unsure whether it would reveal anything, but if it did it may have the number of who she was meeting, if indeed she did meet anyone, perhaps a schedule or diary, messages, emails anything. He was surprised to see a message on the screen. The phone kept the last message on the screen until read or deleted a stroke of luck, he gazed and realised this was the final puzzle piece, slammed firmly in place; he looked astonished as he read:
“I know what you have been doing! My God! One of my men showed me! Do you have any idea what this has done? I am being sent home. I am disgraced. I suggest you kill yourself before I kill you!”
The detective gawped at the message, he was baffled by it. Clearly he found the trigger, maybe this was suicide after all. The husband would have to be interviewed. The detective had an idea of what had happened, in a fit of anger the husband sent this ridiculous message, he probably did not mean her to take it seriously, probably just venting anger. Never-the-less she took it seriously, and now she is dead. Why? Why? Why won’t people think before they do things! Why? Why? Why won’t people think about what they say!

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