Posts Tagged ‘Fiction’

I have been pensive of late.  I have come to the conclusion that I am both blessed and cursed at the same time.  The source of such mixed emotion is creativity, imagination and a flair for stories.   I feel a burden upon my soul, so much so that it crushes me daily.  My head is full with rampant visions of tales of such majesty and originality and I fear now that my skill is not much up to the task of it.  Everyday a new tale papers within my head, everyday I drift off to new lands, new planets, new horizons.  Stories of such grandeur, stories of magic, stories of myth and majesty.  Stories that can chill the soul, or break the heart.  

Yes, for I am cursed with creativity, I see it is a blessing, for I would not be without it.  But, I am cursed that although the gift has been bestowed upon me I seem unable to produce work of sufficient quality to warrant recognition.  I do not seek fortune, I do not seek to be famous with my bank account showing zero’s as far as the paper will allow.  No, indeed not, what I seek is the opportunity to live in my worlds.  To have a living wage equitable to what I currently receive would suffice.  Time is of the essence.  I need time to sit and conjure the worlds that inhabit my mind, to explore and share what I see.  

Creativity is a curse I bear, one that I wish to share with you all.  If only you could see what I see, if only you could meet my friends, if only you could glimpse such wonders.  It is my everlasting hope that one day my hands, my voice will be up to the task of showing you.  I will work hard to show you such wonders.  Time, it comes down to time, but in order to have time I need money.  I must care for my wonderful family, I must provide for them so they want for nothing.  Mouths must be feed so I engage in the everyday task of employment.  To be paid for creativity is a dream, one I fear I will also strive for but never quite reach.  The skills are mine to gain, to acquire, to develop.

I failed in all competitions entered thus far, and I am grateful for the opportunities.  I received such wonderful and helpful feedback and I know more of what I must do of how I can develop further the tools of my trade.  It is not about the equipment I use, although it helps, it is about words.  Crafting them to form the shapes within my visions.  I have been described as a sociopath, but aren’t all creators, aren’t all visionaries detached from reality and form their own worlds.  Sometimes those worlds take on physical manifestations and that battle between reality and fantasy takes a very real world turn.  I have battles against demons all my life. I escape into fantasy to deny the existence of real world problems.  Although I have not needed to do this for some time my past encroaches and the guilt of what has gone before, the lies I told, the actions I took, take on and cause me grief.  

I have changed, channelled into fiction what my mind tells me to say and do.  Fiction has been an outlet for the grim reality of life.  I have such a wonderful life now in all areas except one.   My curse, my blessing, my creativity needs to be realised.  I am both happy and sad.  My success in life is shadowed by the failure of my fantasies and I am redoubling my efforts to change that.  Oh, I do not expect overnight success, I wish it so, but I do not expect it.  I will find my way, I will find the manner of outlet that best suits my visions.  I will find a way to express myself with such eloquence.   I am capable of such beautiful writing.  I will craft the words to my will and one day I will support my family, my way of life, while giving the world the kingdoms of my mind.

Thank you for listening.


I have been pondering recently on what it is to be a writer, and before you all start to groin about me on a downer, I’m not!  No I have been on the next stage of finding out what it is to be a writer, I have been reading guides on writing, from ‘Penguin’s Writer’s Manual’, to Oxford University Press’ ‘A-Z guide to punctuation and grammar’, and many more.  There are a lot out there to choose from and I have six that I am making my way through.  I’m learning new things everyday from these books, but they do tend to cover the same ground. 

What is clear is that writing is like War.  Let me go through this analogy.  A writer is a 5 star general, or if like me your British, a Field Marshall, safely behind the lines of anonymity we sit with our forces laid out in front.  Our troops are made up of grammar, a division of vocabulary, our mounted cavalry of computers and our squadron of research books.  We position our troops strategically, carefully to optimise the impact of them, then we unleash our ultimate weapons our artillery of ideas if you will.   And then the ultimate solution, my solution, my Atomic bomb, my intercontinental Ballistic Missile is the question, ‘What If?’.

What if?  Is a powerful question and is certainly the question that starts off all my writing. I look to the garden and ask what if the sky was pink? what if I saw a plane flying overhead in flames?  what if I look out to the garden and it wasnt there?

It is this line of questioning that forms the basis of my writing and I am sure most people’s writing.  People ask writers where do ideas come from, how do you come up with this stuff, and the answer, for me, is very simple, What If?

A writer must be inquisitive, must be more analytical than Sherlock Holmes, more disbelieving in truth than Fox Mulder, and more obstinate and determined than a blood hound on a hunt.   The attributes of a writer is something that often bubbles to the surface of the protagonist, our main characters can often be reflections of ourselves, they can often show the traits that perhaps we strive to have, or even some of our worst aspects that we dislike of ourselves, and that causes conflicts in our creations.  This is prevalent in the works of Stephen King, often the central character, like King, battles addiction (Revival, The Shining, Doctor Sleep).  Often the central character is a writer (The Dark Half, Misery, Finders Keepers), reinforcing the idiom ‘write what you know’.  When I read Stephen King, and I do, a lot!  I feel that with each book he reveals more of himself.  

It is with interest I read lots and see if I can see through the masquerade of words to the heart of the novel.  At GCSE, A-level we were taught not to take the text at face value but to look behind for the hidden meaning, like in William Golding’s Nobel wining ‘Lord of the Flies’ as every student of a certain age can tell you, it is about the hidden seed of evil within all of us and how, without rules and the constraints of society we are no better than savages.  this is true, but, what if this was just a metaphor for the darker side of Golding, not just his character, what if deep down he rather be a little native.  a little less constrained by the rigours of post war England, or even a reflection on how the world was fundamentally changed in the years 1939-1945 by the acts of barbarism, or from the perspective of an  onlooker, a society withdrawn from decency where such atrocities existed.  Maybe the story tells us more about him?

Anyway I digress, we are talking ideas, as you can see by the above post, ideas run away with me.  No bad thing sometimes, but how about having a look at someone elses views on the subject and who better than one of the worlds foremost ideas men, Neil Gaiman, see what he says here:

As always I welcome comments!

Be More Geek!

Posted: June 11, 2014 in Geek
Tags: , , , ,

Today’s blog is about something that was said to me yesterday. I was sat in the evening watching television, sadly watching Holby City. There is a character on this programme called Dr Digby, and he is exactly as you would expect, bespectacled and a bit geeky. My partner turned around and said he was ‘adorkable’. For those who haven’t seen the news, this is a new entry this year into the Collins English Dictionary. So I said, ‘ Am I Adorkable?’ And I was genuinely surprised by the result. I was told that I am only Adorkable when I am being geeky, but I repress my geek side. And I do! I repress my nerdy side and this was because I was bullied at school. When I was at school If you were not into rave music, smoking dope, or hanging around on street corners causing trouble, then you were frowned upon, no not frowned upon but chased down and beaten!

What was worse was I was a Sci Fi and Fantasy geek. More socially acceptable now, but I loved to get the VHS tapes of Dr Who, watch the weekly 6 o’clock offering of Star Trek, Babylon 5, Farscape or the repeats of Buck Rogers. I would read lots, escape to Middle Earth, root for the bad guy on the rooftops of Gormenghast, or run away with Rincewind. Yet I was punished for the love of escapism.

Let’s look at what geeks have achieved through the love of Science Fiction, well I guess all those bullies that beat me for liking Star Trek enjoy the use of a tablet computer, a tablet computer you say? Didn’t they have those on the Enterprise? Hmmm yes, I distinctly remember Picard using one. Interesting inspiration from Apple. Cars are now looking like they were imagined to look like in 50’s comics, sleek, streamlined, electric! How about this, 2000ad perennial serial, Judge Dredd has a fingerprint and DNA scanner weapon that only he can use, I saw one touted on the news the other week. A breakthrough, an innovation, will drop gun crime, but it is not original!

Science Fiction offers is the ideas we all want and it takes a fan to realise that is what we need and invent it, but the inspiration comes from the imagination of geeks, not scientists! I repressed my geekdom so I could survive in the modern world. But, I don’t like it! I am Geek and I want to be proud!!! Society is expanding we are less racist, homophobic and sexist, so does geekism exist? Is there a discrimination based on what fiction one enjoys? I think there was, maybe it still exists? What are your thoughts? Are you a closet geek? Hiding the alien invasion b-movies behind the DVD’s of Oscar winners? Hiding the fantasy fiction behind the Dickens and the Hilary Mantels? This is a call to arms (metaphorically speaking) we had gay and proud protests les have Geek and proud! My name is Peter, I like Sci-Fi! I am a geek!